Since the beginning of Television, music has played an integral role with all media, be it commercial jingles that helped you remember what a relief Alka Seltzer is to the very spooky space music supporting the visuals of just how much more superior the attacking space aliens where to the pitiful human race. But with every one of those examples (with the rare exception of live concerts by the musical flavor of the week) music has played second fiddle to everything else. Not until the 70’s did a trend emerged where bands would record videos in a studio for the sole purpose of showing everyone they actually can play instruments. Apparently someone out there asked themselves what was so appealing about watching Jim Morrison trip out while singing “Break on Through”, and that is when the idea of stringing irreverent incoherent images together accompanied by music, periodically interrupted by quick glances of the ugly people that sing it. The music video was born! While most people believe that Mtv was the pioneers of the music video, Mtv was beat out of the race months before by USA Network’s Night Flight.

Night Flight was revolutionary television, not just showing the same old videos you would see everywhere else, Night Flight would showcase unknown and local bands and aired uncensored versions of music videos that Mtv where too afraid to show (Like Duran Duran’s "Girls on Film"). They also had a massive library of off the wall media that was sure to delight the little stoners in every one of us.

While growing up I didn’t really have a bed time, resulting in lots of late night television viewing. So while most adults where asleep, I as a child would stay up past the middle of the night just to witness all the insane wackiness that Night Flight was. So you just may be asking yourself just what exactly was the appeal of Night Flight to this once 8 year old insomniac? The show was so much more than just music videos; it was the perfect balance of rare music videos, wacky B-movies, bizarre cartoons and strange vintage commercials. It was Heaven on Television for me and is to blame for my penchant for old commercials, odd animations and crappy movies.

Though out the years of Night Flight, the shows has gone through changes in format, but the core ingredients remained the same. I am going to focus on what made the show unique. And nothing is more unique than the many recurring segments of the show. Here are a few…

Ah, New wave Theater! At times shocking and scary, it was our glimpse to the very raw underground sounds of the eighties, be it punk rock (the real thing, not that shit Avril Lashithead says is punk rawk) New Wave or anything else new and edgy, here was the place to watch! It was the launching pad for many up and coming artist as the Dead Kennedys among others but was shortly removed from Night Flight after lead man and off the wall host Peter Ivers was found bludgeoned to death at his Los Angeles apartment.

 I guess that’s the price to pay to be “real”.

Few movies deserve the very celluloid they are printed on, and despite this fact, Night Flight celebrated these Hollywood atrocities with Never Coming Attractions! Here you could enjoy the trailers to all the shitty B-Movies you avoided seeing for good reason. Movies so bad their good like...

In a future where woman rule the lands, men are left to plow the fields, slave over the stove and work all the other womanly chores. One man fights for the rights of all men, by beating all women in his path senseless…

This cautionary tale warns us of the following: Woman are like ants, which are small and defenseless by themselves, but should they ever group up they can make up a army of PMS driven man-hating Amazonians hell bent to get a date for that night out of ballroom dancing or ELSE!

This story of ten men hopelessly hungry for blood, freedom and apparently cock, hack and slash their way through countless victims on their way to the grand orgy, only to regret the horrors of that dark and bloody morn as tight man cheeks where brutally pummeled throughout that dreadful day.  While this is probably not the story, from what I have seen, I came to the conclusion that whatever the story is behind this movie it seems pretty homosexually orientated..

I really don’t know what to say about a movie like this, then again Why tell you any more when these scenes of the movie tell it all?:

As much as the Russell Crowe, the show “American Gladiators” and the producers of this movie would like you to think otherwise, Gladiating (the act of being a gladiator… Hey! If people can call their children Tarahdice I can make up a new word!) is not a manly sport. So, if you ever where curious if you might be a closet gay watch this movie as a challenge, should your inner fairy bust out and posses you to aggressively lick the screen I think you will know your answer.

While it’s starting to become common practice today on cable TV to dub-over foreign television shows with wacky dialog for comedic purposes, Night Flight was one of the first to take advantage of this emerging trend with movie and show parodies that where a lot like the stuff seen on Mystery Science Theater 3000...  

Before Mystery Science Theater 3000 or The Power Rangers, Night Flight combined the peanut butter and chocolate of these two series into one, resulting in one of the most unique and memorable Night Flight segments; The Dynaman series. By dubbing over an actual Japanese super hero show with ridiculous dialog, they created a hilarious spoof about a martial arts crime fighting team dressed in ridiculous costumes, possessing equally ridiculous powers.

Through the guidance of Doctor Ho, the Dyna-Kids fight crime with incredibly expensive weapons and technical advanced robots. Did I mention their top-secret crime fighting lair is an orphanage?! Ok so I won’t go into how they can afford all their cool gadgets, I will say this though, they must be super heroes, because you need to be a morally incorruptible super human to work around a bunch of crying motherless bastards without snapping their necks like little twigs.

When you are blessed with some of the most mundane “talents” in the world, you can be sure your daily activates are going to be beyond ordinary, its going to be… Hmm going to need to create a new word to describe the shear level of ultra ordinary…  Oh, Extra-Ordinary! That will do! The Dyna-Kids powers only rival the absolutely ludicrous abilities of the Wonder Twins. No, there’s no purple helper monkey holding a bucket-full of water here, instead we’re left with five clueless Pre-Power Rangers with the ability to hop around and jump over trees! Another one has the magic power of being the first Asian cowboy, then there’s the human onboard motor with the power of rocket propelled ass! With powers like these there sure to win the grand prize on that hot, new NBC talent show, like for sure!

As we follow our five unique heroes we witness some of the most poorly scripted adventures to ever grace American televisions. In fact for many Americans this was their first exposure to shows of this kind, I know it was mine. The over the top acting and cheesy special effects perfectly compliment the hilarious dialog the good people at Night Flight added for good measure. Oh and by the way, one of the pictures above is actually from a Power Ranger episode, if you can tell which one it is you may need to go out and get laid.

Night Flight always had its finger on the pulse of the underground, and since then had introduced me to my religion of choice: The Church of the Subgenius! Headed by the slack master himself J.R. “Bob” Dobbs, the fabled “worlds greatest” sales man that could sell mental brainwash to a Scientologist answers the very meaning of life: Human kind are meant to slack off, our very lives may depend on it!

This is the story of the world’s one true savior, J.R. “Bob” Dobbs. One day while tinkering with his latest invention, the worlds first Television, “Bob” picks up a stray alien signal from outer space. He learns that our very world is controlled by sinister forces unknown to us. Space aliens calling themselves Jehovah One (or JHVH1). These are the very overlords who stole our “Slack” a mass-less yet accentual substance to all human kind, for without slack we are nothing more than mindless drones controlled by our alien aggressors.  Being entrusted with this information “Bob” decides to spread his message of freedom: Give me slack or kill me!

Ok so the stories a little far fetched, then again what religion is perfect? It didn’t stop Night Flight help recruit for the Subgenius. What other religion promises you salvation at the price of a large pizza? Sign up with the Church of the Subgenius today and you are guaranteed salvation or double your money back!

Night Flight’s roving reporter Norman Gunston is a man who must have recognized his unique talent early on in his life, pissing people off during mock interviews. Yes my friends, before Ali G and others wannabes of present time, Norman was hitting the streets and not making many friends in the process. This man had no shame, by asking random people on the street some of the most awkward and irreverent questions he would capture some priceless reactions by those interviewed. Pure comedic gold!

Of course there where times where Norman himself was on the business end of the jokes. Specifically when he interviewed the at-the-time popular and unholy antichrist Chevy Chase, Chevy in usual fashion behaved as a pompous ass. Then again this all happened at a time he thought he was hot shit, before everyone noticed Chevy Chase wasn’t funny, or an actor… Or even human.

Norman also used cultural differences to his advantage during his many trips over seas.
As with his trip to Japan where he confused Sumo wrestlers with genetically altered super babies, who which as a response preceded to give Norman a good bitch smacking. All in the days work for roving reporter Norman Gunston, the man of many faces:

Another show segment was Fresh Ink where the Night Flight Crew would read and answer viewer mail. As you can imagine with all things visionary and new, Night Flight got its share of hate mail but the crew was not afraid to rebut the views of the socially impotent. Like the views from the following sack-less worm.

While others enjoyed the refreshing take Night Flight had on our society, as with the following viewer:

Night Flight brings back many special memories from my childhood, so much so I actually feel embarrassed that I couldn’t write a article that fully describe the shear genius or even stand up to the memory of my dearly departed show. NF wasn’t the bullcrap TV you have today, I don’t really give a shit who Flavor Flav is fucking today VH1 so stop posting the little midgets shit all over your network… Er, anyways, so in the memory of Night Flight I raise a shot glass full of Jose Cuervo to Night Flight, my midnight lover for so many of my infantile years. Viva la Night Flight!!!